Rant, Rejection and Reflection

Dizzy. Nausea. Weakness. Pain...Curse the heat of my ridiculous Apartment Complex. Mind you if it weren't for my Father I wouldn't have been in the house all day. Oh no.

I would have been at a super awesome fun-time Birthday Party.

But of course. Only when it's of convenience to him can he make time for us. Only when he isn't with his girlfriend and her family, "work", or Darts. The sad truth is...He doesn't make time for us cause he doesn't care. You know...It hurts. It hurts so frigging much to know that he schedules us in on "Sundays" and any other day of the week just..isn't manageable. Why should my life be built on his planning? Today I woke up took a shower and was getting ready to go. Then my mom came in saying your dad is on his way over for "family time".

Screw that noise. He didn't call all weekend. I called and text him..but...no reply? And then thinking all hell he's busy I'll make plans NOPE! He frigging ruins them...thanks.

Not that that isn't new. I mean it happens all the time. Because he is too busy "working" yeah right. You haven't had a job since LAST February. Don't Bull Shit me.

He claims "I'm broke" yet can go drinking with his girlfriend and buy her kids stuff. Thanks daddy. I'm not saying him buying me stuff makes me love him but at least take the time to see us. We don't need to spend money...but no...he's convinced "money buys love" or that "money will buy them back". Sorry to break it to ya buddy..but no amount of money in the world could undo what you have done. You screwed yourself over. And you screwed us too.

I just...I can't handle it. I'm tired of trying to make him happy. Cause clearly we (my brother and I) just don't have the ability to. So you know what. Whatever.

Peace. Goodbye. Sure I love ya. You're my Daddy. But then again...wouldn't know...you never really were one.

I don't respect you. I don't value your opinion. I think you are a monster.

I wouldn't die for you. I wouldn't take a bullet for you.

Why would I? It's not like you would even be there to save me. You aren't there. Even if you are physically...you mind travels and your heart isn't even beating in the same room.

Hell to my knowledge. You don't have one...

I find the angrier I get, the more I want to cry.
Is that weird?

I just don't understand. Was it something we did? Was it something said? Why aren't we important to you? Why couldn't you have come to us? What makes her and her kids so special?

And it better be a damn good reason considering you left your wife of 18 years...and your children for her...

I honestly feel..not abandoned...well yes but even more so I feel rejected. Like my dad just...doesn't want me...

It's a horrible feeling really.






I guess in the end. I'll have to get used to his...avoidance. I'll have get used to his absent mind.
There's really no other choice but to accept that I mean nothing to him...

damn...that really truly seriously sucks.




*sigh*...whatever...G'night Shadowlites.

Sincere and Confused,
SimpleShadow
.xoxo