Frazzled, Fighting and kinda free..

Oh my. It has been quite sometime.. I've missed you blog. ...

I'm confused ..more then usual. and my head kinda hurts.

My eyes feel like they are burning and my back kinda stings.

I've lost feeling in my toes and my legs are going numb.

All in all I'm kind of a mess ...and it all over something dumb.

You know those girls in movies..that never get the guy. The girl that is the best friend. The girl that silently cries over this guy who is dating this person, who is totally not the right person .. but thats only in her opinion...Well yeah...have you ever felt like that girl.

I kinda sorta have...but i guess its a little more deep...

I'm the girl that's one of the guys.

The one that can hear them out.

The girl in the Auto class.

The one that always swears.

The girl that sits alone in her room...well everyone else has plans.

I'm that girl that will sit there a listen...listen and listen till you are done your rant.

I can be the trash can for you useless baggage

The one who just stands and nods.

I'm the girl that would smile to your face but secretly be crying on the inside

The one who tells you its not the end of the world, but can't tell it to herself.

The one who says you look beautiful and envy you for what I'm not

I'm the one who can't think straight

or have enough courage to talk.

But yeah I guess I can honestly say there's a lot of things that i can't do...people that i am not..

I'm not the girl to obsess about image

or the one to care about looking stupid

I'm not the girl to cry over a broken nail...i chew em of...it's true....

I can't confront my feelings...about my life, the people..the pain..the truth

It's sad really...
to look in the mirror to know that smile is a lie.
How my eyes scream my inner frustration but all i can do is smile...
I look down from the stares of people
afraid of if they'll see through
The wall I've built for protection.
The shadow in which I've hidden the truth.

People laugh and smile. They dance and sing and joke...
But It hurts to know the fun i have never seems to fill the hole
the hole caused by my constant pessimism.
The constant thoughts of selflessness....worthlessness and ..
well perhaps I'm being stupid...
perhaps I'm being dumb.

Maybe all I am saying is just another lie..
Is it possible to not trust yourself?
It is dangerous to think yourself as a beast of sorts?
Could it possibly be unhealthy to think yourself a disease..

All these sadly point to danger..loneliness...
Maybe that is what i have become...
a shell..
a hollow...
a chain less soul...

Maybe I have become my disease...

Perhaps that's why I'm just one of the guys...

the reason I'm alone...

All I know is that I'm not crazy about this horrible feeling...

In fact it's kind of old...
I want it to all disappear...
just wiped clean off this cruel earth
...

yeah...
All I must do Is find my purpose..

And that dear blog is what has me so frazzled...so mixed up..so weird...

a random thought to add to this mess..

I could really go for a pickle...

Sincere and even more confused,
SimpleShadow
.xoxo

p.s today's word is a phrase..a motto..a code of sorts

"When you run from something it only stays with you longer, when you fight something it only makes you stronger" - Unknown Smart Guy