Trapped in a Cycle, Please Let me Out...

Once again, my school day is wasted away at home for emotional strain. Once again my parents are fighting. Once again my Meemo was crying and it's once again all HIS FAULT!

He does not care. He's never there. He wants the truth? He doesn't want to hear what I have to say!

My views of him are not drilled into me by others words. No. My poor view of that MAN are purely based on his words, actions and lies.

It's based completely on him and what he does or doesn't do. I am tired of his constant jabs at my mom. He is the insane one. He is the one with the problems. He may have broken the puzzle but I will put back together the pieces.

He thinks what he says will help him, and in the end it possibly will. But though it may ease his heartache he causes more on our end.

So thanks for all that yelling. Thanks for all those lies. Have fun with his home-wrecker girlfriend. They both have manipulation down packed, so your perfect relationship doesn't come as a surprise. I said a year ago I didn't want my parents together. At the time it was completely true but now that I want my family together it's all fucked over thanks to YOU!

This is all becoming slightly R-rated. But in the end I don't really care. My heart is sick of this pulling. My eyes are sick of seeing her hurting. My walls are sick of the punching. I done with all of your pitiful games. I learned from the best so I'll play his games and in the end it will be me with the gain.

You want your baby girl to talk to you? Well get your act together. Learn to answer your phone. Start being honest with us and yourself. Take responsibilities for all your wrongs.

How is it it starts to get better. then BAM it comes back to this I'm trapped in this horrible cycle. Do you know how fucking hard that is? To know that one second your happy then all of a sudden your bad. You want me to be happy and "sunshine" well get your head of your ass. Take a look around . The reason I'm like this. The reason I hide behind the crowd. You want to know why I'm stuck in the shadows of a dark and cruel mind. I trapped in this cycle. Left to cry. Because of you and your messed up life, you and your messed up mind. You and your messed up thinking. I'm done with this and your stupid lies.

I thank you for all of this bullshit in the end I have become stronger. But strength built off of rage is the most dangerous kind. Explosive like a bomb. Out of Control like a flame. Creeping like a terrorist behind enemy lines. This ticking time bomb of an anger can only lead to a shadowy demise.

It's sad that I'm scared to talk to you. To say this to your face. But this rage I feel it genetic and my only fear is that...we may blow up this place.

So have fun with you home-wrecker girlfriend. Have fun with her lovely twin sons. Thank for being my Daddy for the first 4 years or some. OH and don't worry I'll watch out for Brandon. I mean it's clear you don't know what to do.

You want to be a good daddy?

You gotta start with being a good you.

Sure you're my dad and I love you. But at the moment that doesn't mean much. Cause in the household where I grew up. Love clearly doesn't stand for much.

Sincere and Confused,
SimpleShadow
.xoxo